Like most members of my generation, I can barely remember life before the Internet. I grew up in an extremely rural area with no offering of social activities, so I found solace in the Internet at a young age. Right now, while riding a motorcycle, I found myself saying, “Wheeeeeee!” Then I started humming Gonads and Strife, which led me to reminisce about the outstanding Web sites that fortified my desire to make out with the Internet and maybe have its babies. Let’s take a trip down memory lane, shall we? I will attempt to list these sites in chronological order, starting in 1997.
A Web site that makes fun of people is pretty much the greatest thing two catty 14-year-old girls can find. My best friend and I spent hours laughing at these poor souls. I still laugh when I think of sweet little Joe Prole.
Again, my best friend and I were obsessed with this Web site when we were barely into our teens. “Faces of Death” had been a staple at most of our slumber parties for several years, and we were delighted to find some new gore material. This site has branched out over time, but it hasn’t neglected its gory roots. Stay rotten, Rotten.com. SEE WHAT I DID THERE?
BabySue.com (kind of NSFW)
I find myself reciting absurd BabySue poetry in inappropriate situations way, way too often. This is why you shouldn’t let your kids play on the Internet. Hey, a segue way! If you’re a parent, you might find the article entitled A Parent’s Guide to Satanic Cult Ritual Abuse to contain some valid tips.
I swear that this site was only accessible without the “www.” prefix when I first went to it. You know, before there were enough Web sites to coin the term “World Wide Web” (I KEEEED).
Because everyone has the right to post terrible, angsty teenage poetry amidst animated .gifs.
I Liek Milk
Hitoshi lieked [sic] milk so much that he decided to make a Web site about it. Time has not been kind to his Web site, as I was unable to find an incarnation of it at the time of this post. However, in true form, YTMND pays Hitoshi a fitting tribute.
Gibby was Web 2.0 before we even knew we were on v1.0. This site marked the beginning of my obsession with social networking. I created my first MOC account in November of 2000 at the ripe young age of 18. I don’t even want to admit how many of my college boyfriends I met via this site. I will, however, tell you that I met some of my best friends on this site and we laugh about it ALL THE TIME.
These stupid jerks pulled the plug on this site after I gave them $5 for a permanent account, taking along with it the prattle of an emotional college freshman. Thanks, maybe?
Joel Veitch was lolcattin’ before lolcats were even lolcattin’.
No, seriously. I went to these sites in this progression pretty much every day of my sophomore year of college. I’d hit up some RatherGood and balance it out with some SuperBad. Don’t confuse this effin’ weird Web site with that movie about farts and penises and what have you. Kids.
Listen, LJ. Today I am sad because my boyfriend and I broke up, so I went to class and then I took a four hour nap. Then I ate two cheeseburgers and played some MMORPGS.
You can just walk away if you think I’ll ever link you to my early college Livejournal account.
So there you have it. I could waste a lot more time on this venture through caches of Christmas past, but I don’t want to cheapen the aforementioned sites.
Yours in copying and pasting juicy AIM conversations and never considering the consequences,